How to stop worry-wasting your time: These things which are out of your control

Don’t Worry, Be Happy”

The phrase “Don’t worry, be happy” sounds nice, but in real life, it’s hard to stop our minds from stressing over problems and worst-case scenarios.

Back in 1999, when I was 14, I tried to write down the lyrics to the song “Sunscreen” while it played on the radio. The song’s message was clear:

“Don’t worry about the future. Worrying is as useful as trying to solve a math problem by chewing gum. The real problems in life are often things you never expected, like something surprising happening on a random Tuesday afternoon.”

As a child, I often worried because I experienced a big loss—losing a sibling. I held on to these lyrics as a mantra, but found it tough to really follow them. Now, as an adult and a psychotherapist, I know how much worry and anxiety can take over our lives. I see how worry can ruin great moments, keep us up at night, and make us live in a constant state of tension.

In therapy, I find working on anxiety and worry rewarding. With the right help, people can learn to calm their anxiety and enjoy their lives more.

So, why is it so hard to stop worrying, even though we know it’s unproductive? Why do we keep thinking about worst-case scenarios? I’m going to answer these questions and give you three tips to stop wasting time worrying.

Why Do We Worry So Much?

1. Stories Everywhere: We have constant access to news and information, which can overwhelm us. Seeing sad news or researching medical symptoms can fuel our fears, making us worry about things going wrong for us.

2. Past Experiences: If we’ve faced tough times or traumas, it’s hard to believe that bad things won’t happen again. We might seek reassurance, but deep down, we know that sometimes things don’t turn out okay.

3. Control Over Everything: We’re surrounded by tools and technology that claim to help us control every aspect of our lives. While this can seem comforting, it often makes it harder for us to accept that we can’t control everything.

In my book, “The Uncomfortable Truth: Change Your Life by Taming Ten of Your Mind’s Greatest Fears,” I discuss how accepting life’s uncomfortable truths can help us worry less. Here are ten uncomfortable truths:

1. Some people don’t like me
2. I am going to fail
3. I will hurt people I love
4. I can’t always be fully present
5. Life isn’t fair
6. I am not good enough
7. People misunderstand me
8. Bad things will happen
9. I will lose people I love
10. I am going to die

These truths can be unsettling. But imagine how different your life could be if you accepted them instead of fearing them?

Three Tips to Handle the First Three Truths:

Some People Don’t Like Me: If someone doesn’t know you well, their opinion of you isn’t worth much. Focus on people who understand and value you.

I Am Going to Fail If you’re afraid of failing:check if your expectations were realistic. Failing doesn’t mean you’re a failure; it means things didn’t work out as planned. Everyone makes mistakes.

I Will Hurt People I Love: Avoiding honest conversations to protect relationships can lead to bigger issues. Be truthful and kind, but remember you can’t control how others will react.

Accepting these uncomfortable truths can help you worry less and make room for more joy and authenticity in your life. Instead of avoiding these truths, try accepting and befriending them. This approach can change your life, just as it has for me and my clients.